I'm a firm believer that honesty is the best policy. I try to be honest with everyone, even if the honest things I say won't have a positive outcome for me. I believe that it's good to be honest about what you want, and what you want out of life. Yet even with my firm belief in honesty, I can't seem to stop lying to myself. I guess part of me doesn't want to accept my numerous failures, and by pretending that maybe, one thing that I care about, or one thing that might actually make me happy, is remotely possible for me to have.
This ability to lie to myself isn't only rooted in what I tell myself, but also in what others tell me. I'm not the only honest one out there. Everyone knows what they want, but I'm so fed up with not being that, I'm willing to pretend that I want the same thing, or that I can just change to fit the bill... but I never quite fit.
Part of my problem is that I have no interest in settling for less than the best. I know the best when I see it. I know it might be hard for you to understand why, but it's not for me. You're going through a tough time, and I know what it's like. Maybe not on quite the same scale, but I know. I know the fear and the loneliness and the detachment. I know the loneliness the most.
Don't hate someone for loving you, when you're afraid of being loved.
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